Slowly, as the shock and intensity of grief began to moderate, I discovered a new found freedom. Gone was the cage that had kept me confined to the tight schedules and heavy responsibilities of caregiving. Suddenly, I had the space and time to fill the living room with music, eat what I wanted, and stay up late. Initially, the quiet joy and lightness that filled me in those moments was tinged with guilt that I was violating an unwritten code that said the right way to grieve is to suffer, cry and be sad. In time though, grief and relief began to make friends in my heart and I discovered that there was room for both gratitude for his life and life we shared, and gratitude for his passing. Death, which I’d always seen as “the enemy,” was beginning to look more and more like a powerful friend who freed us both to begin a whole new life.