I read a lot in those early months….Rilke, John O Donahue, Suzuki, Mary Oliver and others. Two of them became my daily guides: Adyashanti and Frank Ostaseski. In Ostaseski’s book, “The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully” he offers this advice: “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing.” When I lost my mom at age 11 I tried grieving the other way: pushing the pain down, getting busy, putting on a brave face, not crying, and above all vowing to “never open my heart so wide ” because I never again wanted to feel such agonizing pain. At 75, I was ready to try a different path, to follow the advice that resonated with my deepest values. This was written on about a month later as I began find my way along a new path.